Today, we looked at another house to flip. “Nicole, you just got another house.” Yep, this was my wiseacre husband’s idea to maybe pick up another one. Why have one flip house when you can drown in debt, deal with painters (the spawn of the Devil) and lack patience with humanity with two?
So, this house, wow. My house has to hand over the first place award for countertops. I mean, who doesn’t want this tile in their dark, crowded, spooky kitchen:
It wasn’t even installed evenly. You don’t really need flat countertops, right?
Now, let me back up and show you this kitchen.
Dark, suffocating and, BONUS, the tile is also the backsplash. See up in the photo how the desk is a totally different countertop? Just, stop it.
You can’t see it, but next to the desk is what I assume to be a pantry. I say, assume, because when I started to open it, I swear, I heard some sort of hissing sound and I slammed it shut.
I assume the hiss was the cat ghosts that haunt this house. Haha, you think. NO. The cat smell was SO overwhelming, kitty spirits have to be wandering through the house. I am very allergic to mold (which this house had) and cats (and ghost cats). This is the first time I wished I could smell mold because mold would have smelled like roses compared to the cat ghost smell.
I thought you had to have a degree to be an architect. Aparently not, because this house sure lacked one. This house activated my ADD “eject” button. I had to pop a Xanex because of the anxiety this house inflicted upon my senses.
This is the master bathroom. Two different sinks were smooshed together at different heights. OMG. Why?
Then, the master bedroom…
Yes, that is a curtained death balcony in the master bedroom. What is below it?
THE FAMILY ROOM. So, basically, the master bedroom has NO privacy.
What it lacks in privacy, it makes up for in creativity because right off the masterbath is a rickety spiral staircase that leads you down to your very own, very public, Japanese soaking tub.
After all this, I was still willing to, maybe, consider it until this:
Suck it, wallpaper. You’ve got nothing on my duck wallpaper.
Not even a close second.
The last bedroom was obviously the Hukilau party room.
Dave opened a closet and found this sweet relic:
Lucy asked what it was before Dave opened it!!
I had to escape because the ghost cats were making it hard to breathe.
I know the saying, “location, location, location” but I just couldn’t do it. It’s too bad, because that view was pretty nice!